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On Fri, 2004-09-17 at 04:59, Sven Vermeulen wrote: |
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> Hi all |
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> |
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> When Portage 2.0.51 hits the world I will be adding a news item to |
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> gentoo.org. It's main text is: |
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> |
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> """ |
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> The Gentoo Portage team is proud to present Portage version 2.0.51 to the |
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> world! Changes include improved support for cascading profiles, dynamic |
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> handling of virtuals, rebuilding on USE-flag changes, gpg verification |
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> and more. |
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> """ |
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> |
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> It's content, when people click on "Read more" (or whatever it is called, |
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> need to check our website xsl :) is available at |
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> http://dev.gentoo.org/~swift/portage.html |
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> |
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> I would appreciate feedback on it. It's still a long way before it'll get |
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> published but I want it to be ready in the pipeline :) |
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> |
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> I also hope to be able to put out more news on gentoo.org so people see we |
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> aren't sitting on our lazy butts doing nothing... |
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> |
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> Wkr, |
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> Sven Vermeulen |
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|
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Sven - |
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A couple of suggestions: |
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|
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1. "For the Gentoo Portage team it has been an interesting road towards |
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2.0.51" |
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|
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You don't want to start a sentence with a preposition. Consider |
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something like: |
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|
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"The Gentoo Portage team has traveled an interesting road on the way to |
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releasing Portage 2.0.51." |
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|
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2. "Myths about the changes and new features have been told in numerous |
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circles. Allow us to mute the discussions and bring you a nice (but |
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incomplete) list of changes and new features." |
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|
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Those two sentences could be combined for a better flow: |
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|
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"Myths about the changes and new features have been told in numerous |
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circles, so allow us to mute the discussions and provide you with a |
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list of changes and new features." |
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|
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I dropped the incomplete part because its awkward and makes us look like |
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we don't know what we are doing. It would be better to put a "for more |
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information, consult the ChangeLog" and then link "ChangeLog" to viewCVS |
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or something. |
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|
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3. "And to stop the "where" and "why" questions..." |
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|
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That entire section should be moved to the "brand new features" section. |
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There is really no reason to set it apart. Yes, I know that it is not a |
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feature, but it is a change. Perhaps change the wording of the "brand |
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new features section" to include wordage about simple changes? |
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|
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Otherwise, the document looks good! Thanks for writing it up! |
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|
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Regards, |
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-- |
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John Davis |
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Gentoo Linux Developer |
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<http://dev.gentoo.org/~zhen> |
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|
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---- |
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GnuPG Public Key: <http://dev.gentoo.org/~zhen/zhen_pub.asc> |
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Fingerprint: 4F9E 41F6 D072 5C1A 636C 2D46 B92C 4823 E281 41BB |