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To: gentoo-pr@g.o
From: John Davis <zhen@g.o>
Subject: Re: Upcoming portage release statement
Date: Fri, 17 Sep 2004 09:59:21 -0400
On Fri, 2004-09-17 at 04:59, Sven Vermeulen wrote:
> Hi all
> 
> When Portage 2.0.51 hits the world I will be adding a news item to
> gentoo.org. It's main text is:
> 
> """
> The Gentoo Portage team is proud to present Portage version 2.0.51 to the
> world! Changes include improved support for cascading profiles, dynamic 
> handling of virtuals, rebuilding on USE-flag changes, gpg verification 
> and more.
> """
> 
> It's content, when people click on "Read more" (or whatever it is called,
> need to check our website xsl :) is available at
> http://dev.gentoo.org/~swift/portage.html
> 
> I would appreciate feedback on it. It's still a long way before it'll get
> published but I want it to be ready in the pipeline :)
> 
> I also hope to be able to put out more news on gentoo.org so people see we
> aren't sitting on our lazy butts doing nothing...
> 
> Wkr,
>       Sven Vermeulen

Sven -
A couple of suggestions:

1. "For the Gentoo Portage team it has been an interesting road towards
2.0.51"

You don't want to start a sentence with a preposition. Consider
something like:

"The Gentoo Portage team has traveled an interesting road on the way to
releasing Portage 2.0.51."

2. "Myths about the changes and new features have been told in numerous
circles. Allow us to mute the discussions and bring you a nice (but
incomplete) list of changes and new features."

Those two sentences could be combined for a better flow:

"Myths about the changes and new features have been told in numerous
circles, so allow us to mute the discussions and provide you with a 
list of changes and new features."

I dropped the incomplete part because its awkward and makes us look like
we don't know what we are doing. It would be better to put a "for more
information, consult the ChangeLog" and then link "ChangeLog" to viewCVS
or something.

3. "And to stop the "where" and "why" questions..."

That entire section should be moved to the "brand new features" section.
There is really no reason to set it apart. Yes, I know that it is not a
feature, but it is a change. Perhaps change the wording  of the "brand
new features section" to include wordage about simple changes?

Otherwise, the document looks good! Thanks for writing it up!

Regards,
-- 
John Davis
Gentoo Linux Developer
<http://dev.gentoo.org/~zhen>

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References:
Upcoming portage release statement
-- Sven Vermeulen
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