[gentoo-dev] Re: [RFC] News item about mysql client and server packages

[Duncan]

Alan McKinnon posted on Fri, 17 Jul 2015 23:38:44 +0200 as excerpted:

>> First off, a new virtual is being introduced, virtual/libmysqlclient.
>> virtual/mysql will represent the server (mysqld) and tools (mysqldump,
>> mysql, mysqladmin, etc) while virtual/libmysqlclient will represent the
>> mysql client shared and static libraries, libmysqlclient.so for
>> example.
>
> This reads oddly. There's a "first" but I'm left wondering what the
> "second" is,

Was just going to point this out myself.

1) "First off,", specifically the "off" sounds informal (I checked myself 
on wiktionary, which lists "first off" as "idiomatic).  It's fine, indeed 
great, for informal conversations, but news items are more formal 
announcements and should be worded as such.

So strike the "off".  That leaves simply "First,".

2) As Alan mentions, "first" is sequential.  Don't use "first" unless 
your intent is to enumerate a sequential list.  That implies you need at 
least a "second" or "last/finally", if not more than two sequential/
numbered points.

That isn't to say you must strike "first" here, if you add further 
sequence keywords, because such sequential numbering indicates moving on 
to the next main point, separate from paragraph structure, with such 
points commonly being found both within a single paragraph if small 
enough, or with multiple paragraphs per point, as I'm doing here.  In 
fact, such transitional keywords tend to be extremely helpful to the 
reader, since they do identify the author's intended key points, thus 
being very helpful when overview- or fast-scanning.


(As you see here, I used digit numbering demarced by closing parenthesis, 
as opposed to the words.  That's simply personal preference, tho I 
believe a convincing argument can be made that it's easier to pick out.  
Some may argue using the words is more formal, however, and could thus 
make the same point I made about "first off" above, for the digit 
choice.  YMMV in that regard, but I personally still prefer the digits.  
Then of course there's the question of whether a ")" or "." demarc is 
better.  As a reader I've absolutely no preference there, but I believe I 
favor the ")" in my own writing.)

-- 
Duncan - List replies preferred.   No HTML msgs.
"Every nonfree program has a lord, a master --
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